For nearly five minutes, the cartoon is predictable. Colorful characters with child-like voices act out the types of scenarios capable of reversing even the wildest tantrums, turning screaming toddlers into tiny, submissive humans.

It’s the optimal time for a man to enter the frame, telling your small child the proper way to slit their wrists. YouTube Kids is supposed to be the kid-friendly choice for discerning parents. It’s devoid of the conspiracy theories and misinformation that runs rampant on the main site and features cute and cuddly kids programing tailored to the youngest of children. It’s supposed to be inoffensive,…

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