Astronomia: You’ve heard of haute couture, but how about haute horlogerie? There’s no way you can be seen at the next crypto convention without this.

The Astronomia is a new luxury offering from Jacob & Co watchmakers. This wrist decoration is at the sharp end of watchmaking – and is a snip at nearly $400K.

The watch has a rotating Bitcoin logo, to remind Maximalists that they are right about everything. It also features a yellow sapphire sun, for thawing out the crypto winter. A diamond moon and a golden Earth are parts that will be claimed by your wife as she leaves you for spending too much on a watch. It even has a black rocket ship, which sports flaming jets, to remind us all that we are going to the moon.

The company says, “All these symbols tell the story of the advent of the first cryptocurrency, from abstraction to reality, from outlier to a mainstay of the financial system.”

The two rotating platforms are an interesting touch – one is made up of the arms and other pieces. The second is the microchip-designed main plate – a rotating backdrop that looks like Satoshi Nakamoto’s brain.

The rotating platform completes a rotation in 10 minutes, which is the time you really should wait between checking the price of Bitcoin.

This timepiece is surrounded by a sapphire crystal window, so you can see your watch’s innards easily. This is great for when there is nothing else to look at, like, for example, $30K frames projecting your NFTs onto a wall.

The strap is made from alligator leather. This is why the alligator was invented, other than for uses as shoes and bags, and as villains in budget movies.

The crypto winter has put a lot of price pressure on luxury watches. But this hasn’t dampened the enthusiasm of Jacob & Co.

The horologists who made it say that it is a multidisciplinary engineering achievement. The black titanium Astronomia is a “tribute to the world of cryptocurrencies and to its pioneering and leading example, Bitcoin. It’s interspersed with details and features that are directly linked to the Bitcoin universe.”

Crypto bros, start your engines and get your wallets ready, because who even are you without this watch?

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